sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
