Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
