I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
