dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
