ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he thought i was a dude.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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