Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
