If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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