Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
