Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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