i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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