Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
