Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize