I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
