I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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