So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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