he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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