My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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