Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
