I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
