I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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