Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
