She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
