You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
