one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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