You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
