i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
