gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
