please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
