If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
