yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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