If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Two words: blizzard sex
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
