Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize