you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
now i know why i became what i already was.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We left an ass print on the piano.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
