the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
