just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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