I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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