my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
