I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
