you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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