She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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