Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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