I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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