Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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