help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
