ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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