i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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