Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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