Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
