i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
