Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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