she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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