I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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