Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
