The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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