i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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