i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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