so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you would pick up someone in the library
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You made out with two different species that night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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