It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
