I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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