Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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