Having a random hookup so left but love u
accomplished twins. life is a go
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
