Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
