gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
