You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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