White coat. Heels.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
did you just send me my own nude
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
