Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
