TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
