I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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